I haven't been so hot on posting all my projects, especially the relatively small ones - scarves and booties and the like. I am not good at solely working on one project at once, I am much happier to have 3 or 4 things on my needles at once. Ideally, one will be crochet, one will be a long term project and one will be a quickie. That means instant gratification depending on my mood (although I do have storage issues!) I am good at going back and finishing things off, so I don't give myself a hard time about being unfocussed. Knitting / crocheting is sheer pleasure, afterall.
This Drop Stitch Scarf pattern by Christine Vogel is free on Ravelry (you need to sign up for an account and it may take a few days for your password to come through but my, oh my, is it worth it.) I loved this pattern, it was sheer knitting porn. And the end product looked pretty good too.
I made it for my Mum, whose birthday was on 12th September. She wears a lilac coat in the autumn and the colour really suits her. I thought this lightweight, purple scarf would complement it. She seemed really pleased and said that my knitting was becoming "really professional" (yay! high praise indeed from my Mum!) and that is one of the nicest comments anyone has made over the past couple of weeks.
Cost: £7.00 2 x balls Debbie Bliss Cashmerino, purchased from Ebay
Time taken: 2 days
Lessons Learned: Don't be limited by what you perceive as difficult. This was as easy as pie and I was convinced I couldn't do it for the first few rows.
Satisfaction Rating: It's high on up there. 9.5/10. I am itching to make it again, but may very well choose a Clapotis instead for a similar but different experience.
In other news, I have a new girl crush. In addition to the fabulous Kirsty Allsop whom I want to possess/be in equal measure, and Nigella Lawson (ditto, known in our family as our children's "other mother" - i.e. they one they would have had if Dominic had complete free choice. My only condition in this is that it would have to be a three way affair), I have today discovered the fantastic 'Some Girls Wander By Mistake' blog. I want to possess/be Emily Martin <deep sigh> That is all. Go, look. I dare you. Tell me she is not amazing.
In depression news, it's not been an easy couple of days although I suspected that might be the case after overdoing things on Friday. I am mainly suffering with night wakings after vivid (often frightening) dreams and it is then I feel suicidal. Without wishing to be melodramatic/poncy I think the french expression "Je suis désolée" sums it up well. I am desolate.
It's hard to explain because the depression has changed. Once it was just a barren wilderness, like a desert as far as the eye can see, all the same. Now I have good times (rarely more than a couple of hours) and then really harsh, sharp downs. During those moments I keep having to repeat over and over in my head why I should want to be alive. I am not always convinced, I'll be honest. The thing that keeps me going is thinking how ungrateful I am. I have the most wonderful life, really. Why can't I enjoy it more? Do these desolate nighttime waking sessions really count?
My medication is causing me some problems - I appear to be itching a great deal, all over my body but especially on my scalp and neck. At first I had no reaction, then I thought it was because the heating has started to come on and my skin was drying out. But the skin feels different from normal dry skin, and it's getting worse every day even though the heating is not coming on proprotionately more. Do I go back to the doctors and explain, and go through the miserable two weeks of new medication again? Or do I put up with it, as the medication is helping on the whole? Also, I stiull haven't heard from psychological services. I am 11 weeks into a breakdown and I have no support yet. I can't ring them because of my phone phobia. I have written and my friend has phoned. My doctor thinks I am getting better and I am afraid I am being left behind. Dom seems to be losing patience as I am not the same every day and he's getting more and more tired with work.
<deep sigh>. Sorry for the brain dump. I have never had a breakdown before and I don't know what to expect. In a lot of ways I would like to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital because then I could take my feet off the pedals for a while. On the other hand, the very thought frightens me to death.
I'll leave it there I think. I have a couple of episodes of Midsummer Murders recorded, so I will snuggle up on my sofa under my crochet blanket with a coffee, home made carrot cake and some knitting and make the most of it. If nothing else, I have created this comforting, warm little woolly world I can retreat into when I need to. I just wish I could be as sparky, in control and unique as my girl crushes. Oh well, c'est la vie.
Love and hugs, I hope your day is good
Claire xx
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