During this tute you'll learn how to form the iconic granny stitch, and you'll make a teeny, tiny granny stripe blanket!
I'd love to see pictures of your finished work, please leave comments either here or on You Tube, or the Facebook group (Mrs Bee's Emporium). As always, I'm happy to answer questions, give clarification or advice - just ask!
Happy hooking!
Claire x
Here is the third video tutorial in the series - in this episode you finally get your hands on the yarn! Learn how to hold the hook and yarn, how to make a slipknot and how to make chain or foundation stitch. Don't forget your homework!
Please let me know what you think in the comments below - I'm new to this and want to get it right! All suggestions appreciated. If you require further clarification I'd be only too happy to help too - and don't forget to share with me pictures of your work, so I can shower you with praise and appreciation! We're all in this together!
Claire x
Here we go! The second class in the series. I know, I know you're desperate to pick up your hook and GET ON WITH IT! But hold your horses. At some point over the next few days, I can almost guarantee you, you will go throught The Long Dark Night of the Soul. With crochet, its kind of the law. Lots of people say "I tried crochet and I could get the chain stitch, but then I got stuck"
Well yes, the thing is with crochet that all the pain and misery is front loaded. That's why it's called the Long Dark Night of the Soul. You probably will feel like giving up, you'll swear, and chuck the blasted yarn across the room a number of times. But each time you feel like giving up, please watch this tutorial again. You can't watch someone crochet too many times. You are developing muscle memory, just like when you learned to walk or learned to drive. Eventually you will do this without thinking.
You WILL get there.
Practice, practice, practice - it's the only thing that works!
(sorry to sound so smug, but it's true)
Claire x
Happy
new year! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and are buzzing with enthusiasm
for 2013. All was lovely here - Florence's first Christmas was relaxed. We
spent a lot of time with family and we also lazed around and ate far too much,
but that was fab and just what the doctor ordered. Father Christmas bought Florence her first tooth, which
arrived, without fuss, on the 28th. All I can say is "ouch." I'm
still breastfeeding. Just.
Since
a lot of people like to take up new hobbies in the new year, I thought it'd be
a great time to put together a project for those who want to learn to crochet.
In 2012, I met several people who were keen to start but said that even the
most basic tutorials assumed that they knew all about yarn, etc. This is a real
beginner's guide. As the weeks pass, we'll make a granny square blanket,
or a cushion cover if that's your preference (you start in the same place and then decide which project to follow half way through.) All you need is 6 balls of DK
(double knit) yarn and a 4mm crochet hook. If that sounds like gobble-de-gook,
then watch the movie where I explain alll about it. You can just buy one
ball of yarn if you're not sure you'll like it, and see how you go.
I hope the
tutorials will be part information and part support - learning any new skill is
a challenge and I want to be there to assist, reassure and pass on experiences.
My own personal challenge right now is losing weight and I am a *total*
exercise novice (embarrassingly so), so I empathise with the new crocheters. If
you're an experienced crocheter and have any advice you'd like me to pass on,
then please email me. I'll give full credit to all contributers.
So, here we go.
All feedback appreciated:
medium from Claire Boynton on Vimeo.
If the embedded video player isn't working, there's a problem with Typepad. You can find the video by following this link: http://vimeo.com/57356957
Online Yarn Recommendations:
For this project, I'll be using Debbie Bliss Rialto, as I
have it in my stash already. However, the following would also be good. I've given a brief guide to price according to which yarn you choose, too.
Lovely - http://hejhog-uk.com/debbie-bliss-rialto-dk-c-170_181_224.html
(cost approx £25 for finished blanket / cushion)
Gorgeous - http://hejhog-uk.com/artesano-dk-c-170_252_258.html
(£22)
Luxury - http://hejhog-uk.com/debbie-bliss-cashmerino-dk-c-170_181_231.html
(£25)
Bargainous luxury merino - http://hejhog-uk.com/wendy-merino-c-170_382_393.html
(£14.70)
Mid price Acrylic / merino blend - http://hejhog-uk.com/wendy-mode-dk-c-170_382_412.html
(£8.82)
Stylecraft Special DK is a nice acrylic
in several colours that comes highly recommended. I've not used this yarn or
this company, so can't recommend personally. Word on the web, though, is
they're good: http://www.countrycrafts.org.uk/special_dk.htm
(£8.94, but that's for double the amount of yarn, so you could make two
blankets!)
RICO Creative Cotton - have used this
yarn and this supplier. Would recommend both. The yarn is similar to string and
can be a bit splitty, so buyer beware, it could be tricky for a newbie. That
said, it's a good price for a natural material: http://www.first4yarns.co.uk/rico-creative-cotton-705-c.asp
(£11.40)
Hope that helps - as I say, that's just some suggestions for those who are feeling overwhelmed by their first yarn purchase, there are thousands of other options especially now it's sale
time. Just check its DK / double knit and can be machine washed (superwash).
I'm very happy to take a look at your potential yarn purchases, just PM me.
I really like www.hejhog-uk.com as their prices are
reasonable and their customer service second to none. They don't pay me for
recs though, lol, so feel free to shop elsewhere. A note of caution about Kemps
Woolshop - their prices are excellent and I've always received parcels quickly,
HOWEVER their search engine is a total PITA. I've just searched DK yarn and the
first few items are not DK weight. If you plan to order from Kemps, I'm happy
to double check that you have the right weight yarn.
Good luck!
With love
Claire x
I am considering going back to college. When I was there first time around, I studied English, Media and Politics. I did a year long PGCE. These were all enjoyable things at the time, but as I've grown older, I've changed.
I'm doing a lot of research into what my next steps would be. I'd LOVE to do the year long art foundation course, but I'm not sure that I have the required drawing skills, to be honest. I really want to push myself, though, and I haven't got 2 or 3 years to do a course in; I need a relatively quick fix. I am passionate about textiles. I love what I do. I want to get better at it, and I want to meet local people who are good at it too. I'd also like to learn what else I might be good at, with the right effort, instruction and opportunity. I'd really, really like to do print making, with a view to printing my own fabric.
I have sent a link to my blog to a college tutor. I don't know if he/she will take a look, but it got me thinking. How do I want to represent myself? What am I most proud of?
I'll tell you my insecurities. I'm worried that my work is parochial and twee and not arty enough. I worry that I'm too old and too frumpy. I worry that I don't have enough talent or skill to make it work in that arena known as "art" rather than "craft"
I love the work I do, but it's work that I do for money, so it's necessarily commercial. Who knows what I would make if I could make something for art's sake?
Would it be any good?
I wonder if I am *really* good at something that I haven't yet discovered. I love sewing, quilting and crocheting. I'm not especially excited about making garments, but making stuff for the home makes me fizz with excitement.
I am inspired by: vintage fabrics, old fashioned household tips, recycling and living more greenly, children's creativity, illustrations from children's books, the changing seasons, beekeeping, the sea.
I enjoy making pieces that are personalised, and also quirky. I like to use domestic styling to shock and compare modern life with past times:
I like stuff that's just a bit different:
..and stuff that's pretty...
All the items I have shown you above have been made since January 2011. There are lots of things of which I am proud from previous years (you may see some of these in the folders on the right --->) However, THIS year I decided to stop working from patterns, and start focussing on making what I want to make. This has been a scary, but liberating, experience but I have learned a great deal.
I'm not sure whether the pieces I have shown you demonstrate a particular style that is demonstrably mine, but they do represent a journey I have undertaken, in which I am striving to do exactly that. I hope, in a year or two more, to get that licked.
Most of all though, I love what I do, and I am extremely lucky to have the time to indulge my passion, and customers who want to buy the things that I make. And for that, I am very grateful.
I feel as though a formal qualification will be part of the next stage of my journey. I want to push the boundaries of what I can achieve, and experiment with new materials, processes and ideas. I want to watch and learn from other people. I want to be able to use equipment beyond what I have at home. I want to grow in confidence - and the feeling of legitimacy - so that I can confidently say "I am an artist" (and believe it)
Claire x
A couple of weeks ago, on the 15th March (which incidentally was my birthday), I had a work meeting in Essex. Given that I live near Hull this was a pretty long way to travel for a one hour meeting, especially for someone whose independence can be hindered by ME. That said, I was determined to make the effort, and I was determined to do it without crutches. All nine trains of it and 14 hours of it.
As the day approached I was filled with nervous excitement - the meeting was very exciting - but the journey also phased me. I realised, stood at Hull Paragon station with newly crocheted bag in one hand and a coffee in the other, that I hadn't actually left the house without a chaperone in two years. TWO YEARS. I felt wonderfully, wonderfully free. And a bit anxious. And I wondered exactly what had happened to me that I had gone from independent professional, to nervous recluse. The reality smacked me hard between the eyes: I have effectively lost two years of my life. How on earth can I make that up?
A few things really appealed about taking the trip. Firstly was the challenge of it. Secondly, all that peace and quiet and time to myself - bliss. And thirdly? Time to read, and to knit. It's not like I don't have a lot of time for reading and knitting but, to be fair, I thought it was a good sign to still be excited about my work thing enough to want to do it as a hobby thing too.
The night before the trip, having made myself a bag and a necklace (because I wanted to stand out, in a good way), I scrabbled through my stash trying to think of a new project to knit. I wanted something personal - for me. For so long everything I knit has been determined by my customers. I really enjoy this, but also once in a while it's nice to have complete creative control. I checked out my Ravelry list and eventually found a fabulous tank top that I could make for Charlie. It should look like this (and please excuse the rubbish picture):
What drew me to this tank top was the colour, and the quirky retro feel of the robot. I knew it was something Charlie would love. I'm also creatively very interested in clothes that allow children to role play but are proper clothes rather than dress up, and this fits the bill nicely. I could just imagine Charlie running around pretending that he is Robbie The Robot, as depicted on his jumper.
What I am going to tell you now will be of no surprise: I did not knit a stitch on that train journey. I only just managed a couple of chapters too. It all went swimmingly well - the meeting and the journey, and I spent most of my time gazing out of the window at the wonderful English countryside - lamb spotting, I'll admit it, or people watching. Both were very entertaining too.I listened to paper merchants and people talking hurridly in foreign languages on their phones. I watched a young man leave his iPhone and wallet open and unattended on his seat, so he could chat up the pretty girl a few seats down (Christ, I sound like my mother). I saw two rows of cheery toddlers in triple buggies watching the trains and hoping that someone would wave at them. It was brilliant. SO worth it. I absolutely recommend a trip somewhere new on the train, even if it's just to blow the cobwebs away.
But the knitting reclined languorously at the bottom of that newly crocheted bag, gathering bits.
I will come back to that robot tank top as, unfortunately, it's been somewhat challenging. However, I have also learned a lot about technique and tried out lots of new things, but they're unrelated to The Trip, really.I shall tell you about them tomorrow. However, in the spirit of The Trip, what is more relevant is this:
Taa - Daa! The Carrot Bag
The carrot bag was conceived in front of CSI. I LOVE crocheting these bags - (UK) DC round and round for the base until it seems large enough, then TC up and up until the bag is deep enough. I ran out of cream yarn before the end of the project, so used increasingly lighter cream tones until it faded to white. This worked amazingly well. I fancied a new edging as I often use shell edging on my bags and, after a quick mooch about, found this curlicue edging. I decided on green simply because I wanted it to co-ordinate with the bottom of the bag. It was only after I started that I realised it reminded me of pea shoots. Which is where the idea for the carrots came from....
The fabric inside is, actually, a bag in itself. As such this bag took quite a long time to make. For Christmas I was lucky enough to receive a copy of Lisa Lam's book The Bag Making Bible:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bag-Making-Bible-Complete-Customizing/dp/071533624X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1301318481&sr=8-1
I LOVE this book, it is one of the best self-help books I own. I constantly pick it up when I am making bags because the techniques are second to none. The projects are great too, but I don't always want to make someone else's ideas up. I love the fact the techniques are including separately from the projects, but the projects link to the technique being taught. Does that make sense? It makes it easier to use the book as a tool to help you make your own things.
Anyway, inspired by Lisa Lam, I made a lined bag with inner zip pockets for my phone and purse. It was perfectly big enough for the things I wanted to carry (magazines and book) but not so deep I lose my knitting. It's an absolute bloody revelation to be able to make a bag that suits your needs perfectly. If you're any good at sewing, then I urge you to try it. You will feel like the cleverest thing in the world.
The carrot bag was satisfying to make and certainly eye catching. It's very practical too and I can see me using it a lot. Many people commented on it, even strangers. Some clearly did not like it much, but boo ya sucks to them. The only thing I'd change if I repeated the project would be to use a better quality yarn for the carrots. I only had mega cheap acrylic in my stash in orange, and I think it shows. I am tempted to buy some orange cotton - possibly Debbie Bliss's Eco Baby in DK - and see whether I can do a better job of it.
Anyway - love to you all, and back with the knitting techniques post very soon
Claire x
Inspiration from a lady who really inspires me, Gillian Chapman (http://gillianchapmanfelts.com/)
You know what? I swear I saw a few flakes of snow this afternoon. I checked carefully to make sure they weren't cherry blossom, and they weren't. However, until more are evident I shall be ignoring this and pretending spring has well and truly sprung.
I'm a bit tired this afternoon, I've had a long and very emotional session with Susanna, my therapist. I treated myself to a dirty McDonalds on the way home though, to cheer myself up! Now I could just sleep. Yesterday I was reading how a smoothy made of Kale is very refreshing in the afternoon. Hmph. It doesn't sound as nice as a dirty Maccy's does it?
It's been a busy few weeks craft wise - I have been getting involved with all sorts of knitted and felted projects. I've been sorting out the Lady Shed too, and it's almost done. I hope to make some curtains tomorrow, and then get some pictures to show you. Quite frankly, I am ashamed of how much stuff I have. Apparently, I have a real talent for keeping bits of stash in different bags all over the house. Sometimes there are bags within bags. This is the first time I have got it all together and, even though it looks ace, I can't shy away from the scale of my addiction. My stash has to have it's own room <wail>
On the subject of pictures, isn't the heart brooch above to die for? I love the colours and the stitching, the beading and, well everything. It really makes me gushy. I really like how the stripes of radiating stitches give the piece a 3D feel. I would love to be able to make something that looks like this.
I am trying to 'firm up' a wreath at the moment. I crocheted the wreath bit, double thickness, and then sewed wire to strengthen. However, now the felted flowers are on, it droops a bit. I have applied spray starch and, although it's still drying, it looks a bit droopy. Any suggestions?
At the moment I am working on the Strangling Vines Scarf by Nicole Hindes. I'm doing it in Kidsilk Haze, a very fine mohair. It's hard going because the yarn is so skinny. It's also lighter than air, so it really does feel as though you're knitting a spider's web.
I'm off to have a go now. What are you working on at the moment?
See you tomorrow. Lots of love
Claire x
Last year, I worked my nuts off getting Christmas sorted. I try to think of original and thoughtful gifts; I make a lot of them. I handmade decorations and baked a lot in advance to freeze. Nothing came from packets - everything was homemade. I did all the shopping, wrote all the cards, had 10 people round for dinner on the big day, friends before and afterwards ad family staying for 4 days. I was really looking forward to it.
Then, guess what? 5 days before Christmas I got the flu. I honestly felt like dying, I don't think I have ever felt that ill. But I hauled myself up out of bed on Christmas Eve and, ever the martyr, made sure that Christmas went ahead as I had planned.
Whilst I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, I realised that everyone else was having fun and, having done the lion's share of the preparations, I was still working my nuts off, even though I wasn't well. And I felt a bit resentful.
This year I am making lots of changes. I am only going to do the things I want to do. And one of them is this: I am going to take lots of secret mini holidays in advance, to make up for all the extra effort. I think you should do the same. Email this page to all your girlfriends because I am, officially, giving you permission to have a mini holiday. It could be today, or any day, a whole day or just 10 minutes - but you must do something you enjoy, and you wouldn't ordinarily do. I am looking forward to hearing what you get up to!
I have already been to town and bought myself a few treats. I am now firmly planted on the sofa where I will stay until school time. I have:
New reading material
Coffee and chocolate
Fuzzy friends
Hooky loveliness (I'm crocheting together mum's throw before startig the border. It's at the pre-blocked ugly duckling stage)
Christmas shopping to do
(oh how I am tempted by the free apron)
and there is also a snooze to be enjoyed once I have finished chatting with you.
Given it's the middle of a difficult week at the end of a difficult year, it's raining horizontally and it's windy and cold, I have also decided to treat my boys. Although they will not know about my own treats, oh no.
When Charlie and Jonny come home from school, they will have a tea of boiled eggs, fresh from the chickens, with squirty cream topped hot chocolate, their favourite:
Unbenown to them, the pain au chocolates they grieved over this morning when they thought they were Daddy's, are being saved for a special pudding for two special boys:
Let's not forget a special Daddy, of course. I have not been easy to live with recently, and this is a little way that I can say 'thank you'. Once Jonny and Charlie are in the land of nod, Dom and I shall be enjoying a little treat that I picked up from our local market this morning:
Moules mariniere, with freshly caught local mussels and crusty bread to mop up all the delicious, garlicky sauce. Not forgetting a nice bottle of plonk:
I have to dash now and begin my hectic schedule. Have fun with yours and, if you do nothing else today, treat yourself.
Lots of love and hugs
Claire xx
It's a dark, cold, rainy day here at The Cottage today. This is the view from my kitchen window.
I am enjoying it more than you might imagine, actually. I realised this morning that winter is important for the natural cycle of things - the ground becomes wet, the plants rest and gain energy to burst forth in the spring. The cold makes us appreciate the warmer, longer days of summer. Yes, winter feels like a good metaphor for my experiences at the moment.
I haven't blogged for a few days. Charlie and I had Norovirus last week - yuck! Also, I really loved my last post, especially the picture. And I didn't want to spoil the picture and the optimistic sentiment with more tales of depression.
So, I have put together a collage of inspiration. These are clippings from magazines that inspire me - largely Country Living, but there may be others. Many of these pictures were snipped out months ago, so I am afraid that I cannot give sources.
I like the idea of having an online source of inspiration. If you're experiencing depression, I really would recommend starting a blog. It allows me to see my life through outsiders' eyes. That's really helpful, especially as it allows me to focus on the positive. I look at lots of other blogs too, and this helps me feel part of that community. However, the idea of an online scrapbook, that I can dip into when I need a lift or an idea, really fills me with inspiration. I am not very good at creating scrapbooks as I don't like cutting pictures out from magazines, I like to keep them whole. Taking photographs feels like a good compromise.
Dots are really doing it for me at the moment - dots and stripes. Can you see the multicoloured buttons on the red coat earlier? Oh, that gives me a thrill. However, it's a silk coat, price on application. Which means it is way, way above my budget! I have a black mac, and I am considering putting multi coloured buttons on that. What do you think? The other mums in the playground think I am a bit eccentric anyway, and I am tempted to do it just to spite them..
Don't you just love the lime of the scarf and the pom poms? And the dotty books? Ooh, my fingers are itching to get on with something... Look at the umbrellas on that book cover! I so want a pretty umbrella for Christmas, mine is plain black and very uninspiring. Look at how a pretty umbrella could brighten up a day like today!
In depression news, I had my first session of CBT last Thursday. It went well, I liked my counsellor and I found it thought provoking. However, I am finding it difficult. She has given me some workbooks to work through before next week, and I am finding it really tough going. I am finding that don't actually want to talk about the depression much, I would rather ignore it. Self pity is an easier state of mind than challenging one's fears.
I am suprised at how I feel, to be honest. I thought I was completely up for getting better. Now I am not sure whether I have wallowed enough. I am starting to see little green shoots of recovery, I just want to quietly cherish those for a while before ramping it up to challenge the big problems. I still feel private, retreated. I feel as though I am starting to wind down now; the idea of winding myself back up is frightening.
I find it hard to acknowledge these feelings. It's easier to just think 'sod it' and do what I have always done. I am trying not to, though. I have deliberately answered the door and made phone calls over the past few days. I am not sure the relief is as instantaneous as the books describe, but I am still going to keep trying, because I don't know where this will lead me. I just have to put my faith in the system, which isn't the easiest thing to do.
I hope you are well and making the most of these cold days. I am thinking of you.
With love
Claire x
Home Grown Squash and Pumpkins on our Nature Table
Hello, my lovelies. Is all good where you are? Are you dodging those shadows? There seem to be a lot around at the moment, don't there? These dark nights and mornings, and dull days are enough to make anyone lose their sparkle. Grab a cup of tea and we'll share a stolen 5 minutes.
I haven't been online for a few days because we've had problems with our broadband connection, again. It's so frustrating. Dom tells me patiently that it's because we live rurally AND we're the very last house on the village connection, but that's just not the point. I don't have tantrums about many things, but the internet is one of those things that I make an exception for. Friends are important, aren't they?
It's lovely here at the moment. It's half term and Dom is pottering about in the kitchen melting down honeycomb to try to extract the wax. He can swap the wax for bee supplies at Thornes, but I have a secret penchant for making them into candles. Maybe I will someday. I am wrapped in a couple of blankets on the sofa knitting and blogging. Jonny has gone to an indoor play centre with his mates and Charlie is using one of my handcrafted blankets to make a den under the desk. The whole house smells of honey, and we're listening to the Wiggly Wigglers podcast, which this week happens to be about composting.
I finally got my appointment with the Mental Health Services assessor yesterday and, I am sorry to say, it wasn't all that positive. I left feeling as though I hadn't been listened to again. I duly filled in the questionnaire, was patronised a little (yes, I know that lack of sleep means I'll be tired during the day and is likely to contribute to low mood). I her I was feeling suicidal and that I found talking to someone about it humiliating. Still no reaction.
The upshot is that she referred me back to the GP to review my medication as she was concerned that my side effects were unacceptable and I should have my dose lowered - I am not up for that, especially as I got no sense that she tried to get to know me at all. She recommended counselling - but there is a 12 month waiting list. That'll be 16 months since the day my world imploded. I have been invited back for 8 x 30 minute sessions for target setting, but I am not feeling very positive. I have to set some targets for what I want to achieve in these sessions. I am guessing that "to get well" will be seen as facetious. I explained that I don't feel as though my medication is working at the moment, and was told that I need to change my attitude toward it, as it's likely to be my negative thinking that's preventing the medication from working....
So now I don't know what to do. Short of slashing your wrists, how do you see a medical professional that understands AND has the expertise to prescribe effective treatment? It seems that this option is available if you are able to pay for it (we aren't). So now I am left, with no further medical treatment booked, in this horrible wilderness with no hope.
I'll post about this again. Each time I think about it, my mind stops working. It is so depressing. I feel as though I can touch death through a gossamer curtain and each time I seem to be poking it a little harder, just to see whether I can, hoping that the veil will not break. I frighten myself.
So, onto lighter things. I have started my Christmas crafting - do you want to see? Really? Ok then....
all these knitted squares are dishcloths and will be stitched together to go into my Mum's throw. This spring she redecorated her lounge with beiges / creams / golds / duckegg blue and the odd bit of coral. I wanted to mix up those colours and use texture to create something unique. I had been playing around with this idea for some time, but couldn't get it right in my head. Eventually I realised that if all my squares were DK weight on size 4 needles, and all dishcloth patterns, then they should be about the same size. The best thing is, they are pretty much. Any differences will hopefully be sorted out when they are blocked.
I bought some vintage cream yarn yesterday from Hobbycraft. I will crochet 2 round squares to make strips of cream that run between the strips of big, coloured blocks. Then I will trim the whole throw with a scalloped crocheted edge.
I'm having a little rest from the throw for now, yesterday I made another Seafoam scarf for Aunty Pauline in coral for Christmas, and I have cast on an alien scarf today for my father in law, Baz. He likes things quirky. He's a school caretaker and will love anything that appeals to the children. I have been itching to cast it on for weeks, and couldn't resist a moment longer. Besides which, it does you good to have a bit of variety, doesn't it?!
Right-o, I had better go and get on with some more work. I promised myself I would sort out the play room today and sort out any toys the boys can donate to charity. It'll create some extra space for the knitted goodies Santa will bring...
Lots of love and big hugs
Claire x
Hello my lovelies. Have you had a good weekend? How are you feeling? I hope you are staying on top of things.
I had a visit to the doctors at the end of last week. It was rather depressing in some ways as she said that I really needed to have counselling and there was only so much that the medication can do. Yes, I know, and it's not my fault the mental health services have taken 3 months to offer me an appointment! However, there's no point in vexing my frustration, I know that there is much demand for their services and there are people far, far worse than me. I left feeling as though I shouldn't have gone and guilty that I was making a fuss about nothing. However, I am trying to keep in mind that this is a symptom of the depression.
The upshot is that she's increased my beta blockers and I have had a positive few days! It would be a lie to say the days are without challenge, but I am feeling quite a lot better. I am really hoping that this positivity sticks. I have managed to open the curtains every day, clear up a bit, smile and start to tackle the current big fear that is Christmas.
I've had tonsillitis for almost 2 weeks now. In one tonsil. It just won't clear up, frustratingly. Also, on Saturday, I got mauled by a very cute little kitty that came to our catflap. I tried to befriend him and he went for me - he was hanging off my arm by his teeth, with all four sets of claws stuck into me! I have a sore arm now, at one point it was quite sore and infected, but it's seeming to clear up now.
Would you like to see my Christmas making list? Would you? Honestly? It's quite a corker! However, putting it together has cheered me right up, ironically. I love making things and having a big list to choose from - and the excuse to sit down and make due to excess of said list - is making me warm and fuzzy.
OK - here goes:
| Mum throw |
| Mother in Law throw |
| Washcloths x 3 |
| Drawstring bags x 3 |
| Bottle home made beer |
| Home made bramble jam |
| Baz's willy warmer |
| Baz's alien scarf |
| Pauline bag / scarf |
| Phoebe beret |
| Little Red Riding Hood dressing up bag |
| Cookie in Jar |
| Ripple blanket |
| Charlie's gloves |
| Fishing game |
| Hobby horse |
| Babette blanket |
| Prince Charming dressing up bag |
| Felt food |
| Dom scarf |
| Dom work cushion |
| The Cottage applique |
| Charlie knitted teddy |
| Dad socks |
Grandad socks
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I have made a lot of progress with Christmas, which is one huge weight off my mind as I was starting to feel quite panicky. With me not working money is really very tight around here. We really are going to have to do things quite cheaply, although I really do love the make do and mend spirit, so that's OK by me.
I have made a spreadsheet (Dom approved!) of all the presents we need to buy. This year I bought several as I saw them cheaply, which is saving us a fortune! I will certainly do that again. Also, making your own presents is a good way of shaving off a few £££ from the bill. Anyway, everyone has a budget, and now a list of every gift they will have. I must, must, MUST stick to this list and not pick up bits and pieces as I go along. I am terrible at this. Anyway, for everyone, including Dom and the boys, we're looking at ust shy of £300. Still a fortune, huh?
My secret plan is to make £300 from selling things on Ebay, thus making it a money neutral Christmas. We really could do with the space too. So we win on both counts. I am so determined to make it work this year.
Righto, Charlie wants his breakfast so I had better go. Lots of love to you all. Big hugs.
Claire x
I haven't been so hot on posting all my projects, especially the relatively small ones - scarves and booties and the like. I am not good at solely working on one project at once, I am much happier to have 3 or 4 things on my needles at once. Ideally, one will be crochet, one will be a long term project and one will be a quickie. That means instant gratification depending on my mood (although I do have storage issues!) I am good at going back and finishing things off, so I don't give myself a hard time about being unfocussed. Knitting / crocheting is sheer pleasure, afterall.
This Drop Stitch Scarf pattern by Christine Vogel is free on Ravelry (you need to sign up for an account and it may take a few days for your password to come through but my, oh my, is it worth it.) I loved this pattern, it was sheer knitting porn. And the end product looked pretty good too.
I made it for my Mum, whose birthday was on 12th September. She wears a lilac coat in the autumn and the colour really suits her. I thought this lightweight, purple scarf would complement it. She seemed really pleased and said that my knitting was becoming "really professional" (yay! high praise indeed from my Mum!) and that is one of the nicest comments anyone has made over the past couple of weeks.
Cost: £7.00 2 x balls Debbie Bliss Cashmerino, purchased from Ebay
Time taken: 2 days
Lessons Learned: Don't be limited by what you perceive as difficult. This was as easy as pie and I was convinced I couldn't do it for the first few rows.
Satisfaction Rating: It's high on up there. 9.5/10. I am itching to make it again, but may very well choose a Clapotis instead for a similar but different experience.
In other news, I have a new girl crush. In addition to the fabulous Kirsty Allsop whom I want to possess/be in equal measure, and Nigella Lawson (ditto, known in our family as our children's "other mother" - i.e. they one they would have had if Dominic had complete free choice. My only condition in this is that it would have to be a three way affair), I have today discovered the fantastic 'Some Girls Wander By Mistake' blog. I want to possess/be Emily Martin <deep sigh> That is all. Go, look. I dare you. Tell me she is not amazing.
In depression news, it's not been an easy couple of days although I suspected that might be the case after overdoing things on Friday. I am mainly suffering with night wakings after vivid (often frightening) dreams and it is then I feel suicidal. Without wishing to be melodramatic/poncy I think the french expression "Je suis désolée" sums it up well. I am desolate.
It's hard to explain because the depression has changed. Once it was just a barren wilderness, like a desert as far as the eye can see, all the same. Now I have good times (rarely more than a couple of hours) and then really harsh, sharp downs. During those moments I keep having to repeat over and over in my head why I should want to be alive. I am not always convinced, I'll be honest. The thing that keeps me going is thinking how ungrateful I am. I have the most wonderful life, really. Why can't I enjoy it more? Do these desolate nighttime waking sessions really count?
My medication is causing me some problems - I appear to be itching a great deal, all over my body but especially on my scalp and neck. At first I had no reaction, then I thought it was because the heating has started to come on and my skin was drying out. But the skin feels different from normal dry skin, and it's getting worse every day even though the heating is not coming on proprotionately more. Do I go back to the doctors and explain, and go through the miserable two weeks of new medication again? Or do I put up with it, as the medication is helping on the whole? Also, I stiull haven't heard from psychological services. I am 11 weeks into a breakdown and I have no support yet. I can't ring them because of my phone phobia. I have written and my friend has phoned. My doctor thinks I am getting better and I am afraid I am being left behind. Dom seems to be losing patience as I am not the same every day and he's getting more and more tired with work.
<deep sigh>. Sorry for the brain dump. I have never had a breakdown before and I don't know what to expect. In a lot of ways I would like to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital because then I could take my feet off the pedals for a while. On the other hand, the very thought frightens me to death.
I'll leave it there I think. I have a couple of episodes of Midsummer Murders recorded, so I will snuggle up on my sofa under my crochet blanket with a coffee, home made carrot cake and some knitting and make the most of it. If nothing else, I have created this comforting, warm little woolly world I can retreat into when I need to. I just wish I could be as sparky, in control and unique as my girl crushes. Oh well, c'est la vie.
Love and hugs, I hope your day is good
Claire xx
Hello readers, how are you today? It's a lovely sunny but cool day in East Yorkshire and I can hear children playing and lawn mowers mowing in the distance. Everyone is looking forward to the first weekend after the long school holiday. It's Charlie's last ever day at nursery *sob* and I am going to be more upset than he is. The "ladies" at nursery are like extended members of our family.
Anyway, I'm in an up and down sort of mood. I've got lots of ironing done (yay!), have shined my sink and washed and dried clothes and dishes. I have finished Charlie's rainbow jacket this morning and read a book in 24 hours - On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan. It was good - sexually charged and suffocating. It wasn't the cheeriest of reads, but worth a look if you fancy something quick. I got it for 99p from our local charity shop; I like that sort of recycling!
I got a letter from my employer this morning terminating my employment. Actually, there was no letter, just a form. I am quite hurt. I put my heart and soul into that job and it wouldn't have taken much to say "form enclosed, thanks for your hard work and commitment, we hope you're better soon." Still, lesson learned.
I am also surrounded by pregnant women and new babies at the moment and it makes me feel very complicated. I had terrible post natal depression after Charlie was born and I am convinced that I am in this situation now because I didn't seek treatment early enough then. So, in a week where my baby leaves nursery and starts school, regrets about his babyhood and the wondering whether I'll ever have another baby, whether I'll ever be able to make the hurt better and whether I even want another child are thronging my mind. Ho hum. I'm coming back as a man next time.
Anyway, let's cheer ourselves up. Fancy looking at my lovely blanket? I am very proud of this one. I love the feel of it, the colours (especially the edging), I love how much I enjoyed the project - the whole thing has been marvellous. Anyway, here you go. I present:
Project 19: The Dining Room Throw
Cost: about £100, mainly due to the Debbie Bliss Cashmerino. I eventually relented and started using leftovers from other projects and acrylics, just to keep the cost down.
Time Taken: 4 weeks
Satisfaction rating: 9/10 - an easy pattern that gave lots of opportunity for playing with colour. I joined the squares as I went, then did the rounds of edging before starting more smaller squares. This made the joining feel much less of a chore.
Lessons learned: sew in tails as you go!
So, do you like it as much as I do? This will always remind me of the summer of 2009, especially crocheting squares on three of the local beaches whilst Dom and the children played in the sea. It's been a difficult summer in lots of ways, but there are happy memories too. And I have a fab blanket to snuggle under when I am doing my winter knitting!
I look forward to hearing your comments. I hope to see you again soon xx
A much appreciated visitor to my garden this morning.
Well hello, friends. How are you all doing? I hope you are as happy as can be expected and the demons are not on your shoulders. It's a lovely sunny day this morning in East Yorkshire, really beautiful. There is a slight chill in the air; it's starting to feel quite autumnal.
And guess what? Dom has gone back to work. I feel like someone who has just left hospital and doesn't know how she will survive. These are my first faltering steps into my new life, without my lifeline. It's exciting and very, very scary.
From now on, I have to function at a different level. I have to make meals, get the kids to and from school, dressed in the appropriate uniform and equipped for school. I have to keep the house clean and tidy. Do shopping. Live life. My coccoon has gone.
Today I am sacking my cleaner. Weirdly, this feels like a really positive thing. I hate the intrusion of having someone in my house one morning a week, even though she's doing a job that I would prefer not to do. I feel quite bad because my cleaner is lovely, but I really have the urge to stay on top of our own space and actually contribute something to the family now that I am not a businesswoman and school leader.
In this vein, I joined Flylady. I did this before a couple of years ago and it was really successful. I love the idea that just babysteps will have an impact on the bigger picture. It's really helpful to my current situation with the depression. What I am trying to do is think 'I'll just load the dishwasher then I can do some knitting' then, an hour later 'I'll go and sort out the kids toys.' This means I get more done without being overwhelmed and have had a couple of good days this way.
In other big news, I have signed up and paid for a 6 month ceramics course! I can't wait! I may also start AS Textiles, if there is a space for me. That's all day Wednesday. I really am very excited and optimistic about taking time to do some creative things, and give myself some breathing space to heal and work out what I can do with the rest of my life. In a lot of ways I really hope I am not offered any sort of contract from work, as I am excited about the direction my life may take.
Do you mind me putting mundane aims down in here? It would be helpful for me, I believe. It's the day-to-day things I am struggling with the most (probably because I have to do them most often! lol)
My aims for today are:
I am feeling overwhelmed and the knot is back in my chest. But I feel positive and hopeful too. I hope you can find the light in the shadows today. Much love xx
I am really enjoying these colours at the moment, they're really hitting the spot. What do you think?
I am calling this my Bonkers Blanket of Madness - which I think is appropriate, although it's just a draft name and I may think of something more subtle. It's coming on well at the moment. I have crocheted 50 x 4 round squares; 37 x 2 round squares; 1 x 6 round; 1 x 10 round and 2 x 12 round. And I am l-o-v-i-n-g it. I don't mind a single second. I have even developed a bit of an affinity to the Alibi channel (especially Murder She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder!)
I had a good day yesterday. The knot in my chest seemed to forget to be there, and I just had a warm, fuzzy, lightheaded feeling. Today I am not feeling so positive, but I did loads yesterday, so I guess that is to be expected. I think I have overdone things.
One good thing is that I had an email from work. They will have to have a meeting and make a decision re my contract (which I would be surprised if they renew, to be honest.) Anyway, the tone of the email was friendly, they wished me well, which was a huge relief. HUGE. I hadn't realised how anxious I was about telling them I was sick. I don't really care what happens now, I would prefer to leave it to chance and not worry about it. C'est la vie.
Lovely Dominic is starting to get very frustrated with my illness and I completely understand why. He goes back to work on Monday and is in a mad panic trying to get everything sorted. However, to him this means refelting the shed roof, finishing the wallpapering in the annexe, painting the playroom and sorting out the house - in one and a half days. In order to get this done he wants me to: sort out all the clothes, put everything away for everyone, do the ironing; sort out and box up most of the office, so that he can move the cupboards into the playroom; move all the Ebay stuff into the spare bedroom that I will have cleared; take the stuff to the charity shop; sort out Charlie's toys; sort out the things Jonathan has put out to go to the car boot sale.
I *know* it's pathetic, but I literally have 20 minutes max of energy and, even in that time, I can't keep a thought in my head for more than a couple of seconds, so I find myself wandering from room to room forgetting what I am doing. So everything takes so much longer. I *really* want to tell him that his expectations are too high, and that is part of the general problem. He expects too much of us both; we're always striving for some ridiculous ideal, and I am sure that is part of the reason I have become sick. He says that he can't go back to work with the house in the state it's currently in. I despair.
I don't know how to deal with this, to be honest. I guess I should be getting on right now. My guilty voices are on full pelt. On the other hand, I recognise that he expects too much. If I rush around to meet that expectation, will things ever change? I think not.
I completely understand his frustration with me, I feel the same. I wouldn't leave the house yesterday to go to the Post Office and he got quite cross. He's not mean to me, he's frustrated with the illness. But I just couldn't do it. Right now, he's taken Jonny to football and is visiting his Mum. I said I didn't want to go because I couldn't face being there when he told her about my illness. I'm a chicken, aren't I? He left without saying too much.
I'd better get on and get something done. Thanks for listening. I hope you are getting on well too, and your day is a positive one xx
Hello and welcome to my little corner of the internet. I am Claire, Mum to two sons, aged 12 and 4, and wife to Dominic. We live in a cottage in East Yorkshire surrounded by farms and agricultural land and I absolutely love the changing colour and texture of the landscape.
I have always classed myself as a happy-go-lucky sort of person. However, four years ago after the birth of Charlie, my world was seriously rocked by Post Natal Depression which suprised me by its randomness, as I had the most lovely life. I didn't cope very well and didn't get the treatment I should have done. We moved house, and I started a business which I loved and took every second of my time. 2 years later I was working 60 hours a week and fighting against a global recession and, not surprisingly, the depression returned. This week I reluctantly took the decision to close my business because my sanity had to come first.
So, thing thing is now I don't really know who I am. I am in my 30s (eep!) I love my family to bits, I love where I live and I love crafting. I could happily spend my life hidden away from the world doing my own crafting thang. And, for now, that is what I intend to do. I will literally knit (crochet, paint, stitch and sew) myself back together.
I would love to see your crafting work for inspiration and hear your stories of how you got over the dreaded depression. Please do email me, I'd love to hear your stories.
