Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Modern life is SO expensive!

Hello gang, today I am feeling very sorry for myself. It's been a lovely Easter - the weather has been glorious, we've had great times together as a family, and for the first time in my life, I have a tan. Just from sitting in my garden. But lots of other blogs will tell you about that. Today, I wish to be GRUMPY! I wish to complain about what a ginormous, expensive pain in the arse modern living can be.

Before Charlie was born I had a well paid career. The other day I worked out how much I would have earned over the past six years - DO NOT do this! You effectively have a rough idea of how much your child has cost you. Christ, would I like to send him back for a refund sometimes! (Social Services, I am only joking, however tempted I am to trade in the currently rampaging almost six year old for a mortgage free life littered with foreign holidays).

Anyway, expensive and ungrateful children apart. My sofa is knackered. We bought it seven years ago from DFS and it's only had normal family use. In fact, for two years it was almost never sat on. Look at the bloody state of it!


knackered sofa

I would like to point out that this was NOT one of the cheapy sofas they advertise on the telly. This is is a sofa bed that cost over £1300, not £499. You would think a leather sofa of that price would last 10-15 years, wouldn't you?! Am I alone in this?

Despite the visible parts of the sofa being leather, the important bits, the bits that attach the cushions to the metal frame, are made of a nylon fabric, like thick tights. Guess what happens? It tears, and the stuffing starts to come out, that's what. For a long while I have ignored the rapidly unravelling sofa, but it's come to the point where the cushions are not attached to the frame properly so sitting on it involves surfing across the metal frame. It can be ignored no longer.

For many, many months Dom has been telling me that it will be easy to fix (by me) (the bastard), and I have not been convinced. However, yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to unpick the cushions with the intention of replacing the nylon with something more substantial. Despite Dom's encouragement, I can't do it. I have spent many a frustrating hour at the sewing machine, weeping pitifully, yet still everything I produce looks rubbish. I have to admit defeat.

Isn't it bonkers that it'll cost more to reupholster than it will to buy another? It's so frustrating that things are not made to last. It drives me mad that to have any real sort of eco-conscience you have to pay £££. We just can't afford it at this stage of our lives.

To make matters worse - and back to the cost of children thing - Jonathan has burned a hole in the carpet. GURRRUMP. 

I am going back to bed. I have no fricking idea how other people manage these things. How do other people AFFORD it? Am I the only one horrified that everything is pretty much disposable these days? I want to live simply, respectfully and I have no real idea how to achieve that. Even those 'make do and mend' types seem to spend a lot of money - but on really old things, not slightly old things. How do you manage if you don't have the extra financial capacity to make do and mend? Have I missed a memo?

Whilst I am writing this, Charlie is interrupting to ask when I can take him to New York - as he'd really like to go there. He's six and we've never afforded a proper holiday yet. 

I bloody give in. I'm off to bed.


PS Hayfever - you can fuck off too.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Panic Attacks

PND small

So, it seems I have a new "thing." I find it hard to write about crappy health issues because you must get bored of it. I don't want my blog to become known as the whingey blog, because no-one wants that, right? On the other hand, I committed to write about my depression (and by association, my ME, since that came after) so I feel obliged to give a realistic picture.

Generally, things have been pretty good for me recently. Depression wise I have stopped taking the anti-depressants and that has made me very happy, if a little scared. As I said to the doctor, it's like standing on the very edge of a precipice. You've managed to get over it safely, but one wrong step and you could be back at the bottom quicksmart. However, on the whole, I have felt as though it was a battle I was winning.

I'm struggling with my ME, I'll be honest. I've been feeling ill for three weeks. THREE weeks. Just because of one sodding day out. Then, feeling a bit too brave and not really 100% better, I decided to go out to town with my family on Saturday for a pootle around the shops. We were out for maybe three hours. I've been sick since. It's NOT FAIR, and I realise I sound like a little girl and I am embarrassed. I am grumpy, heinously frustrated and hard to live with. The other sad fact is there's not much more I can do personally. I'm taking my tablets, eating healthily, exercising as much as I can, sleeping whenever I feel like it. I'm challenging myself to get out and about as much as I sensibly can. Yet still I am not well, and I just have to put up with it. Grrrump. I just want a freaking normal life.

So, to top it all off, you can imagine my delight to discover that I am now having panic attacks. They have happened in the night, twice. I can't breathe. They're absolutely hideous. The first time I had one I thought I was having a heart attack. Last night I didn't have a panic attack, but I was awake most of the night worried that I was going to have one. Which means I have felt unwell all day, which starts my ME gremlins off. It's a viscious bloody circle.

So today's blog post was brought to you by Frustration and Irritation. Sorry it's not more positive. I really am seriously considering a course of CBT to help me deal with the anger I am feeling at the moment. Any tips would be very, very gratefully appreciated.

With love

Claire x

PS Have been working on some newborn hats, and I hope to bring you a tutorial by the end of the week!

Friday, 1 April 2011



Liebster Blog

Oh my goodness, my word, look what I've been given!


How wonderful is that? I'm stupidly flattered. It's wonderful - and baffling - to think that people regularly stop by to hear my random wafflings about life. Claire from No Knitted Knickers nominated me for the Liebester Blog award - designed for those whose blogs have less than 300 followers (which mine definitely is, lol). Thank you Claire, you don't know what a big grin you've put on my face:D

Now it is my turn to nominate three more blogs that I enjoy reading. If you get five minutes to check these out, lovely reader, then please do. Ideally with a cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit.

I've tried to choose blogs that I love reading that have not yet been awarded a Liebster blog.

So <drum roll>... congratulations go to...


Jenny Arnott Textiles


I Know I Need To Stop Talking


Congratulations to Jenny, Sarah and Kat, your award has been richly deserved. You provide me with entertainment most days of my life.

It was such a tough decision, sorry to those of you who I didn't nominate (and I have agonised over this). If ever I am lucky enough to win another award, I shall ensure that I pick another deserving three. Blogland is brilliant. Ladies of blogland, thank you for your blogs. They are a very precious part of my day.