Today I am blogging from our local park. It's peaceful here on a Sunday, there's no one around and it's in open countryside. Our cat, Bramble, has come with us, which always causes great excitement. On occasions she even follows Charlie to school (usually when she wants her breakfast)
I haven't posted for a while. The depression got me again. I'd been so much better that it really was very worrying to feel so down again. However, distressing as it was, the black cloud seems to have blown over again. I've no suggestions - like always it seems to be just a case of marking time until it goes. Thankfully, I can be more sure that the black cloud passes over. On the upside, Susannah (my therapist) thinks I am ready for a break from counselling. This is scary but exciting. Am I better? Is this it? Will it just be a case of making the best of it?! I'm beggining to think so, with a heavy heart. I've given up the idea of a medical cure, and wellness being restored in a relatively short space of time.
Therapy had been hard work, emotionally draining but worth it. The anti depressants - I'm not sure they've had much effect, to be honest. I'm scared to stop taking them in case they have. So here it is, brave new world. Blinking and naked and in pain, like a newborn in the light. But I'm almost through it. I have an amazing husband and brilliant children. I have friends and family who love me, a nice home and the ability to keep myself happy with knitting, sewing, creating, baking, gardening, cooking and taking care of the menagery. It would be so much sweeter if I could win the lottery - maybe karma owes me?! But I can't grumble, really. It's just going to be a much longer haul than I originally intended.
With love, Claire xx