Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Autumn Sunlight

Autumn leaves

I have so much to tell you about, lovely readers. I hope you are feeling good today. It's gorgeous here, cold blue skies and warm, golden sunlight. The leaves are falling in the breeze. Such a lovely break from the gunmetal grey days of November.

I didn't take the photo above, obviously. I still have a lot of credit left over at from before the magazine crashed. I don't like to use bought images as I think half the joy of blogs is the honesty of photographing your own life. However, this image has a sort of metaphorical touch, which I think is appropriate, so I hope you'll forgive my choice.

I don't want to jinx things, but I have noticed that my life has been imbued with a gentle glow. Suddenly, I am noticing beautiful things all around me.  I noticed them before, but I didn't feel them. Now I notice that I am starting to feel with my heart as well as my eyes. Which is a wonderful, amazing development.

I've had quite a lot of good days recently. The good days outnumber the bad. It's not that I have suddenly become Mary Poppins, far from it. There are still times of anxiety and fear in each day. But, on the whole, I have more perspective. It started from the simple decision to open the curtains one day.

I feel very blessed with my home. My pace of life has changed, I really have slowed down and am starting to look into the moment and ignore long term plans. This is a momentous change for me. Each time I clean, I feel lucky (madness, isn't it?) I take great pleasure in cleaning my nick nacks and rearranging my shelves. I am planning where my Christmas decorations will go, and how I will wrap presents. Last night, I needed some bread from the freezer in the garden. I spent a good long time looking at my home from the outside in, admiring how warm and homely it looks. It was a real surprise. I breathed in the soft light, the lovely bits and pieces, the comfortable cushions and blankets. It's not perfect - it's certainly not a showhome, but it's cosy. I was dreading this time of year, but actually I feel as though the scales have fallen from my eyes. I wrap myself in blankets, cook jam and cinder toffee, cakes and bread, and I spend my days making gifts and looking after the people I love. I feel very lucky.

Forgive me for the fluffy post, but this is a significant recognition for me. Rather than looking down the hole wondering how deep it is, I seem to be looking around and noticing it's not as ugly as I thought. Hopefully soon I will be looking upwards and making planning how I can get there.

Lots of love and big hugs.

Claire xx

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