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Tuesday 5 April 2011

Panic Attacks

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So, it seems I have a new "thing." I find it hard to write about crappy health issues because you must get bored of it. I don't want my blog to become known as the whingey blog, because no-one wants that, right? On the other hand, I committed to write about my depression (and by association, my ME, since that came after) so I feel obliged to give a realistic picture.


Generally, things have been pretty good for me recently. Depression wise I have stopped taking the anti-depressants and that has made me very happy, if a little scared. As I said to the doctor, it's like standing on the very edge of a precipice. You've managed to get over it safely, but one wrong step and you could be back at the bottom quicksmart. However, on the whole, I have felt as though it was a battle I was winning.


I'm struggling with my ME, I'll be honest. I've been feeling ill for three weeks. THREE weeks. Just because of one sodding day out. Then, feeling a bit too brave and not really 100% better, I decided to go out to town with my family on Saturday for a pootle around the shops. We were out for maybe three hours. I've been sick since. It's NOT FAIR, and I realise I sound like a little girl and I am embarrassed. I am grumpy, heinously frustrated and hard to live with. The other sad fact is there's not much more I can do personally. I'm taking my tablets, eating healthily, exercising as much as I can, sleeping whenever I feel like it. I'm challenging myself to get out and about as much as I sensibly can. Yet still I am not well, and I just have to put up with it. Grrrump. I just want a freaking normal life.


So, to top it all off, you can imagine my delight to discover that I am now having panic attacks. They have happened in the night, twice. I can't breathe. They're absolutely hideous. The first time I had one I thought I was having a heart attack. Last night I didn't have a panic attack, but I was awake most of the night worried that I was going to have one. Which means I have felt unwell all day, which starts my ME gremlins off. It's a viscious bloody circle.


So today's blog post was brought to you by Frustration and Irritation. Sorry it's not more positive. I really am seriously considering a course of CBT to help me deal with the anger I am feeling at the moment. Any tips would be very, very gratefully appreciated.


With love


Claire x


PS Have been working on some newborn hats, and I hope to bring you a tutorial by the end of the week!



2 comments:

  1. Hi! Nice to meet you. :) Sorry for this reply on an older post!
    I guess really I just wanted to advise you against getting CBT in any kind of NHS ME clinic, if you can at all avoid it. This is just from personal experience so please don't take it as medical advise at all ... but in my experience those are places I avoid like the plague.
    I would however say that therapy can be really helpful to help you deal with all the feelings having ME causes, like the anger you mentioned. If it's at all possible for you, try to get a private therapist rather than NHS - and maybe book one session to sort of interview them and make sure it's a good fit and that they have no bias against people with ME, before you start seeing them.
    I'm so sorry to hear about your friends son - there are no words to say how awful that is.
    Take care of yourself,
    Susannah

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  2. I may be just missing it ... but is there a way to subscribe to further comments on this post by email? I find it hard to keep track otherwise. :)

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