Jumping Back In

Day 1 : Frog or Finish* Organise, Create

 

Well hello, Blogland. It's been a while, hasn't it?! I've missed you.

It's been a strange year 2010, pretty difficult but also pretty positive. I started off suicidally depressed and ended up, well, almost normal. I've made a lot of things along the way, and I've learned a lot about myself. I spent quite a lot of it in therapy, I got used to the discipline of using my Lady Shed / studio every day. From nowhere I've built up a lovely little business almost without knowing how it happened; I've just been doing what I love and what feels right. I've swapped the diagnosis of depression for that of ME / CFS (and I actually think they both were accurate) and I'm learning how to manage the CFS and am having more and more good days. I would say that I'm almost back to normal, health wise, except for the medication and crutches. However, I suspect I have invoked the Law of Sod as today I feel crappy. You've gotta laugh.

I feel the need to explain my absence from the blog in recent weeks. When I first crashed and burned I needed to understand what was happening to me - and the best way I could do this was by blogging. I didn't want to talk to others, you know - the real life people, and so it was great to analyse my feelings on here. Gradually more and more folks started to follow the blog and I got performance anxiety - I needed the blogland version of Viagra. When you hear that others are struggling too it feels wrong to just talk about the positives, and a bit... erm... depressing to carry on just about the negatives. So I wasn't quite sure what to write about.

Also - and I'm not sure if this is common with those recovering from depression - I suddenly felt the need to be very private. Much more private than I have ever been before. Like a fresh, naked plant shoots from the earth I wanted to protect myself and I wanted to be alone. This has been tricky for my extended family because I've not wanted to be with them either. Just me, my husband and my boys. And my fabulous online friends who have only ever accepted me for being me and have never questioned my absences or the times when I went over the top.

Anyway, right now 2011 feels a bit scary. I'm guessing it's the first time that I have properly planned forwards. Christmas was lovely in bits, and tense at times. I'm looking forward to time alone to look at my goals.

I'm not setting new year's resolutions because I am still doing the 101 in 1001 project. I'll review that here soon. However, I have chosen three themes to work on every day - I want to be:

Creative, Organised and Kind <3

Each day I will endeavour to do one of the three and take a photo.

Creativity is important to me because I feel the urge, deep down in my soul, to make things. I also hope to do a textiles degree in 2012 (I need to save up first!) This year will be about experimentation and preparation for the bigger goal of my degree. Also, the creativity works it's magic and makes me feel happier, more relaxed and healthier. Therefore, it's currently a priority in my life.

being Organised is key to me achieving my goals. I'm not the most organised woman in the world. Hell, I'm actually spectacularly DISORGANISED.  I find personal organisation really challenging. However, in order to reach my goals I know I have to get my head around it. This includes practical things - like organising my deadlines, my studio space and paying off our credit card so that I have more choices.

Kindness is very important to me too. I'd like to think I do a reasonable job at being kind to my family and friends, but I want to increase what I do. Also, hand on heart, I'm not always very kind to myself. So this resolution involves eating more healthily, exercising, getting my hair cut and looking after myself. It also involves giving of my time and resources to charity (note - not just giving money, but my time to being a governor at our local school, as well as donating things I've made and items to charity shops). Lastly, I want to be involved with random acts of kindness. Blessed is the hand that giveth.

So, this leaves 2011 with the fantastically abbreviated COK Project!

* Day 1, as you can see from the picture at the start, was a Frog or Finish day. Frogging is a knitting term - when you rip it, rip it, rip it back. I have lots of projects that remain unfinished (I like to do several things at once) so this is their ultimate fate. Either I finish them, or they get turned back to yarn and the needles freed. I finished this crocheted cushion - RIP the summer shrug. C'est La Vie.

 

Day 2 : Working on Charlie's Quilt, Create

Its been a year in the making so far, and it needs to double in size - and that's just the top. I will finish it in time for the arrival of his new bed sometime this year. This is an ongoing project.

 

Day 3 : Making Recycled Christmas Tags, Create, Kind (recycling)

 

Charlie and I cut up the old Christmas cards before recycling the backs, and made gift tags for Christmas 2011. I was rather proud of how they turned out, and remembered doing exactly the same thing with my Mum in the 1970s. Funny how these simple, cylical things can feel so good.

 

Day 4 : Tidy The Corner, Organise

 

You would not believe what a mess this corner of my studio had become with the rush of Christmas orders. This is where I store my yarn, buttons, ribbon and findings.  Thankfully it's now restored to quiet calm where my creative juices can take hold.