Wow, it really has been some time, hasn't it? Well all is well here, I hope it is with you too. The boys have all gone back to school today, so I'm not sure whether to be delighted and enjoying the peace and quiet, or a little doleful. Maybe a bit of both.
As for me, well I'm not the best. I've recently got the diagnosis of ME / CFS / CFIDS. I'm not surprised at all, I've been concerned it was this for quite some time. My main symptom is terrible pain, in both my joints and muscles. I need crutches to walk long distances. I also get very, very tired and struggle sometimes with even very simple activities. I sometimes have other symptoms like brain fog (this morning I couldn't remember how to do up my bra, or how to knit a knit stitch - thankfully that passed!), I have sore throat, headaches and bad moods. The moods are usually associated with the pain though.
The depression has lifted a bit over recent months. The anxiety still knocks about though and some days are worse than others. However, I'm taking a postive mental attitude to all this health crap - I'm exercising gently every day, I'm trying to challenge myself, and I'm trying to pace my activities. I find this the hardest of all! A year or two ago I would have loved someone to tell me I *had* to rest during the day, but guess what?! Doing nothing is harder than you'd think!
I'll be honest, I kind of got myself in a catch 22 about blogging. I didn't want it to be an online whinge. That's not good for you, nor is it very positive for me to do. However, sometimes I don't want to look on the bright side of life either. I just drifted away from blogging because, I suppose, I've been grieving a bit. I also started to get a bit resentful at all those "perfect" domestic bliss type blogs that I previously loved. I guess I was grieving for my old life, for simple happiness, for the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want.
I am learning, though, that I have a different kind of freedom. I can learn things - I'm quite good at that. When my brain is too dulled for reading, I can knit (the physical action requires little concentration and appears to reside in a different part of my brain to the reading bit). I have a family that I adore, and looking after them gives me great pleasure. They also drive me mad! So I'm back with the complicated knot of feelings that exists in my head.
Craft wise, I've not stopped! I'm getting quite a few paid jobs now, which is absolutely brilliant. Do you see my monkey hat above? Doesn't Charlie look gorgeous? That was for a photographer in Leicester. I couldn't get the pattern right and it took about four goes before I was happy that the final result was an appropriate size.
We've had a crafty summer holiday. The boys have been a bit frustrated that I haven't been able to be as active as normal - we've had very few days out swimming, or out wondering around the coast. My legs haven't been up to it. Instead I've spent the time with Charlie teaching him how to sew, and we've face painted, made slime, drawn hundreds of pictures, painted, baked, chalked on the patio, cut out, made collages etc etc. It's been fun. And look at this - I am so proud of my naked sewing five year old!
That's all his own work, that is! He has a natural talent! I have high hopes for him!
I'll end this post with my favourite picture of the summer, Jess nestled comfortably on my bonkers blanket. I never did get round to taking a photo of it because I didn't completely finish it! Maybe I'll get back onto that, when I don't have a list of projects in my head...
Sweet dreams!
Claire x
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