Life and Death

It has been an absolute age since I posted here. I'd just like to say thank you to those of you who have checked back from time to time, and I'm sorry there hasn't been an update. I've been in a bit of a funny place. A private place. A place that needed a bit of time and reflection.

I started this blog nearly 3 years ago. At that time, a perfectly nice and happy life had gone tits up, and chucked me into the depths of depression and despair. I can say this honestly now, but I honestly did not think I would get better. I thought I would die. As melodramatic as that sounds, every last cell in my body thought my days were up. How could it be possible to feel so much pain and get better? I'd given up.

Looking back, I can hardly tell you how the recovery process happened. I can tell you that it took a long, long time; far longer than I had hoped. I am sure that the love of my family and friends has been instrumental in getting me back on track, as has the kind and patient help of crafting. Night and day, pain or joy, the crafting has been there to sooth worried fingers and to unbend a twisted mind. Without craft I don't know where I would be. The same goes for my family and friends, obviously.

Anyway, not only did I not die. Look!

I have been filled with new life! As I write now, I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third child. A gift that amazes and overwhelms me and makes some kind of sense of the last few years. A much wanted, longed for child who will bring new love into our family.

I feel very blessed.

I have also felt frightened, overwhelmed, thrilled, under prepared, anxious, excited, scared, amazed, shocked, worried, delighted - just about every emotion under the sun.

We don't yet know if the baby will be a third son or a first daughter. Our 20 week scan is on the 24th February (12 days and counting!) and we hope to find out then. I am just starting to feel the wiggles and kicks, although my belly feels massive already!

Doesn't life take a funny path? Twists and turns and ups and downs that we can't possibly understand at the time. If you're reading this in the depths of depression: have hope. I know that hope doesn't come easily and, if it's too much, just have an open mind. Life is rarely as bad as we think it will be in our darkest moments.

I guess this blog will become, in part, a parenting blog from now on. I still feel the need to record my feelings and thoughts, now more than ever. I still hope to craft and will keep you updated on what I'm working on, and our family life. I'm just letting you know because I know that, for some of you, that will change your views on how often you visit me here at Knitted Back Together. If pregnancy and babyhood is a difficult subject for you, then I understand and I send you my best wishes. I hope you understand that its something too big for me not to talk about.

Most recently, I've been working hard on the first module of my OCA Textiles Course. You can see what I've been doing here. It's not my usual blog style as it forms part of the formal assessment of the course, but I hope you'll enjoy looking at the pictures!

Much love - and as a very wise friend of mine said, when it all gets too much, keep breathing. Who knows where life will take us next?

Claire x

Starting Anew

"Starting Anew" has been the caption under my Facebook profile for a good couple of years. Way back in the dark days of 2009, it was the only way that I could put a positive spin on the depression. Part of me, deep down, knew that I would get better, and that I would move on and maybe even flourish on day. "Starting Anew" sounded a bit like I was getting divorced (again), but I knew what it meant to me, my husband didn't mind, and so it stuck.

Well, today I am actually starting anew in a real and tangible way. Here before you stands a student! I have not been a student since 1997, although I was slimmer and prettier then, so I'm kind of hoping my new status invokes some of the old. But even so. Me, a student! Wow!

My last post didn't actually work in the way it was intended. I doubt very much that the tutor visited my blog as no-one responded to me email. Boo, Hull College, poor show. On the other hand, maybe this was a nudge from the hands of the Gods. Maybe Hull College was never meant to be. Rather than an Art Foundation course (which, if you think about it, is designed just to lead on to other courses), I am now a student on no less than a BA (Hons) in Textiles! Get me!

The course looks brilliant. It's with OCA and well worth a Google. I am desperately excited at being given the opportunity to experiment with new techniques and to make things with art as their primary function (for me, that means aesthetic and meaning, rather than being something that needs to be useful first and foremost). I've already done a BA once, but didn't feel confident enough to tackle an MA in a different subject, especially after all these years. The only real consequences are time (it'll take about 5 years to complete the BA, but that's cool, I'm enjoying raising my family at the same time and wouldn't want to short cut that) and money. It's eye wateringly expensive, for us, at least. I do worry about money, and I know that Dom does. But it's important to find some sort of meaning in the experiences of the last couple of years, and I really need a new direction in my career. I have high hopes that this course will suit both.

I'm very intrigued by the other students I will meet. Unlike last time, pretty much all the students will be "mature" like me. They all have their own talents, opinions, thoughts, families, home circumstances and personalities, and I'm really hoping that I get the chance to meet as many fellow students as possible, even if it is just online. University is quite unique in bringing together likeminded people, I think.

It's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I'm thrilled, excited, terrified, anxious, worried about how I'll fit it all in, buzzing with ideas and really keen to actually get stuck in. I'm also going to have to get a grip on our finances to enable us to do what we need to do with the resources we have. It's going to be a challenge, but I'm hoping it'll be a good one.

So, that's me! Back at school and feeling rather first day-ish. I'll keep you posted.

Lots of love

Claire x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things of which I am proud...

I am considering going back to college. When I was there first time around, I studied English, Media and Politics. I did a year long PGCE. These were all enjoyable things at the time, but as I've grown older, I've changed.

I'm doing a lot of research into what my next steps would be. I'd LOVE to do the year long art foundation course, but I'm not sure that I have the required drawing skills, to be honest. I really want to push myself, though, and I haven't got 2 or 3 years to do a course in; I need a relatively quick fix. I am passionate about textiles. I love what I do. I want to get better at it, and I want to meet local people who are good at it too. I'd also like to learn what else I might be good at, with the right effort, instruction and opportunity. I'd really, really like to do print making, with a view to printing my own fabric.

I have sent a link to my blog to a college tutor. I don't know if he/she will take a look, but it got me thinking. How do I want to represent myself? What am I most proud of?

I'll tell you my insecurities. I'm worried that my work is parochial and twee and not arty enough. I worry that I'm too old and too frumpy. I worry that I don't have enough talent or skill to make it work in that arena known as "art" rather than "craft"

I love the work I do, but it's work that I do for money, so it's necessarily commercial. Who knows what I would make if I could make something for art's sake?

Would it be any good?

 

 

I wonder if I am *really* good at something that I haven't yet discovered. I love sewing, quilting and crocheting. I'm not especially excited about making garments, but making stuff for the home makes me fizz with excitement.

 

 

I am inspired by: vintage fabrics, old fashioned household tips, recycling and living more greenly, children's creativity, illustrations from children's books, the changing seasons, beekeeping, the sea.

 

I enjoy making pieces that are personalised, and also quirky. I like to use domestic styling to shock and compare modern life with past times:

 

I like stuff that's just a bit different:

..and stuff that's pretty...

All the items I have shown you above have been made since January 2011. There are lots of things of which I am proud from previous years (you may see some of these in the folders on the right --->) However, THIS year I decided to stop working from patterns, and start focussing on making what I want to make. This has been a scary, but liberating, experience but I have learned a great deal.

I'm not sure whether the pieces I have shown you demonstrate a particular style that is demonstrably mine, but they do represent a journey I have undertaken, in which I am striving to do exactly that. I hope, in a year or two more, to get that licked.

Most of all though, I love what I do, and I am extremely lucky to have the time to indulge my passion, and customers who want to buy the things that I make. And for that, I am very grateful.

 

I feel as though a formal qualification will be part of the next stage of my journey. I want to push the boundaries of what I can achieve, and experiment with new materials, processes and ideas. I want to watch and learn from other people. I want to be able to use equipment beyond what I have at home. I want to grow in confidence - and the feeling of legitimacy - so that I can confidently say "I am an artist" (and believe it)

Claire x

 

 

 

Taa-Daa - Homes

Well, here it is, my first set of pictures for children's rooms!

I've been thinking about redecorating Charlie's bedroom for some time, but I wanted to get it right so I haven't rushed into anything. He's a bit of a girly boy at the moment (well, I say at the moment, but this phase has lasted several years so far...) and I keep expecting it to fade into a riot of Doctor Who and Transformers and the like. I'm not sure whether to decorate now, whilst I still have the chance to buy something I adore, or to wait and not risk him insisting that his room is too babyish / girly.

Anyway, all this dithering has made me think about having semi-permanent features in children's rooms, be they bedrooms or playrooms. This is where the idea for the pictures came from.

Although they are framed, the pictures have no glass so that they can safely be touched. As well as using a bright colour palette, I wanted to use a mixture of textures so that they are interesting and inviting to touch. The gnome's hat has a bell, to add a multi sensory element. This is something that I'm keen to develop in future projects.

This first series is called 'Homes.' The idea originated from pondering on what makes children feel safe and secure. Home gives a sense of permanence and comfort, which seemed appropriate. Alongside the word 'Home' is the home of a gnome (how does he fit through the door of the magic mushroom?) and a bluebird. As well as being pretty I hope it will serve as an opportunity to open up discussion about the child's home, as well as the different homes of others. I also hope it will be the inspiration for much impromptu story telling and imaginary play.

So here they are:

 

Wow, that got a bit serious, didn't it?

I think it's important to convey some of the thought processes behind the products; I hope I don't sound too grand. I do think about these things and try to respond in a thoughtful way, that's one of the elements of crafting I enjoy the most.

Speaking of Charlie's room, there was much excitement over the weekend. The new big bed arrived!

 

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/claireboynton/5404358992/" title="The boy who wanted a princess bed by Claire Boynton, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5136/5404358992_93c5c6bb2b.jpg" width="375" height="500" alt="The boy who wanted a princess bed" /></a>

Until now, Charlie has still been in his cot bed. I wondered whether I should mind, especially as various relatives started to comment. However, he still fitted in comfortably and so it seemed silly to buy another bed until the first one was no longer fit for purpose. I was quite sad to pack away the cot. I doubt we'll use it again, and it's been part of our family for such a long time.

Can you see the wall behind the bed? That's the one I want to wallpaper. If you have any suggestions, please let me have them as I'm running short on inspiration. We had to move the bookcase in order to fit the big bed in, which is why there are now holes in the wall that need filling.

Charlie was quite insistent that he wanted a Princess Bed. In fact, he wanted a pink bed. Given that he's not likely to have another bed frame until he leaves home, I was a bit reluctant to say the least. In the end we compromised - a gender neutral bed with a pink pillowcase (made by moi) and a pink undersheet. His duvet is white. He insisted on the flowery blanket, but I like it too so who cares? He's happy and that's the main thing.

The opportunity to have a shuffle round in his room means we got to make this:

 

A reading corner! Woohoo! I am very, very excited about this as we are a rather bookish household. I intend to cover that chair. I also intend to make a series of textile pictures themed around reading. Oh yes, that sounds good to me!

Love

Claire x

PS. I've just found Annie The Felt Fairy's 'A Make A Month' project, which I've joined. This is my make for January. Click the icon if you want to join too, it looks fun.