So, it seems I have a new "thing." I find it hard to write about crappy health issues because you must get bored of it. I don't want my blog to become known as the whingey blog, because no-one wants that, right? On the other hand, I committed to write about my depression (and by association, my ME, since that came after) so I feel obliged to give a realistic picture.
Generally, things have been pretty good for me recently. Depression wise I have stopped taking the anti-depressants and that has made me very happy, if a little scared. As I said to the doctor, it's like standing on the very edge of a precipice. You've managed to get over it safely, but one wrong step and you could be back at the bottom quicksmart. However, on the whole, I have felt as though it was a battle I was winning.
I'm struggling with my ME, I'll be honest. I've been feeling ill for three weeks. THREE weeks. Just because of one sodding day out. Then, feeling a bit too brave and not really 100% better, I decided to go out to town with my family on Saturday for a pootle around the shops. We were out for maybe three hours. I've been sick since. It's NOT FAIR, and I realise I sound like a little girl and I am embarrassed. I am grumpy, heinously frustrated and hard to live with. The other sad fact is there's not much more I can do personally. I'm taking my tablets, eating healthily, exercising as much as I can, sleeping whenever I feel like it. I'm challenging myself to get out and about as much as I sensibly can. Yet still I am not well, and I just have to put up with it. Grrrump. I just want a freaking normal life.
So, to top it all off, you can imagine my delight to discover that I am now having panic attacks. They have happened in the night, twice. I can't breathe. They're absolutely hideous. The first time I had one I thought I was having a heart attack. Last night I didn't have a panic attack, but I was awake most of the night worried that I was going to have one. Which means I have felt unwell all day, which starts my ME gremlins off. It's a viscious bloody circle.
So today's blog post was brought to you by Frustration and Irritation. Sorry it's not more positive. I really am seriously considering a course of CBT to help me deal with the anger I am feeling at the moment. Any tips would be very, very gratefully appreciated.
With love
Claire x
PS Have been working on some newborn hats, and I hope to bring you a tutorial by the end of the week!
